#cabbages and condoms

[colourme-feral]

Love in the Big City IRL (2/??)

Love in the Big City: Young and Gyu Ho have lunch together after visiting the pharmacy, where Young buys 'anti-viral drugs for HIV"

IRL: Cabbages & Condoms, 6 10 Suk Chai Alley, Khwaeng Khlong Toei, Khlong Toei, Bangkok 10110, Thailand

The owner of the restaurant, Mechai Viravaidya, an economist, chose to open it to promote family planning and population polities through this restaurant, which aims to destigmatise condoms and promote their use. Believing that condoms should be as common as cabbages, he chose to use that for his restaurant's name. The restaurant is run as a non-profit and above the restaurant that is visited in LITBC, is an abortion clinic. There are some other Cabbages & Condoms restaurants around Thailand as well. (more info here)

It is important that Young's voiceover that takes place in this restaurant, about how Kylie has changed his life, takes place after he visits a pharmacy, where he buys 'anti-viral drugs for HIV' and has sex with Gyu Ho without a condom for the first and last time.

Credit

[dystopicjumpsuit]

Bacara x reader? 👀

Yeah! Bacara x reader!

Nobody Loves Bacara

A/N: Why yes, this is the long-awaited companion to “Everybody Hates Neyo.” Usual disclaimers apply; Bacara and Neyo are the toxic twins of the GAR, and nothing about this interaction is healthy.

Pairing: Commander Bacara x Reader (Fem; has hair, daddy issues, a justifiably bad attitude, and a high body count)

Rating: M (mature content intended for readers 18+; minors DNI) 

Wordcount: 3.6K

Warnings and tags: strong language; mutual antagonism; verbal/emotional abuse (surprisingly not by Bacara); smoking and/or drug use (depending on how you HC deathsticks); SMUT; anonymous sex; semi-public sex; unprotected PIV; fingering; oral sex; spitting; light degradation; rough sex; revenge sex; cum play; jokes about murder; DJ needs an exorcism

Summary: After witnessing an unpleasant interaction, an unknown clone offers to help you forget your problems.

Suggested Listening: 

This fic smells like: Jasmin et Cigarette by Etat Libre d'Orange (cigarette smoke and an unused condom)

Masterlist | Sign up for my tag list

Marshal Commander Bacara leaned against the durasteel wall of a Republic base that officially did not exist, on a moon whose location was heavily classified, enjoying a rare moment of silence. He shouldn’t be out there, he knew—particularly not in the middle of the night, and particularly not without his armor. It was dangerous, exposed. It was also the first moment of Force-damned peace and quiet he’d had in weeks. 

He gazed up at the stars, tracing the constellations that had been unfamiliar when he’d arrived, but which he now recognized with ease. The calls of nocturnal creatures echoed through the darkness, emanating from the forest grew densely up to the edge of the base. They weren’t likely to come near; not with the plasma fences set up around the perimeter. And so Bacara relaxed against the durasteel wall, finally enjoying some Force-damned peace and quiet.

Alas, the moment of tranquility was shattered as the small side door slid open and a woman stormed out, carrying a commlink.

“—can see your issues from a parsec away, and they avoid you like the blue shadow virus because you're so goddamn difficult! You are too farking broken for anyone to love—"

The transmission cut off abruptly as you flung the commlink to the ground and stomped on it until it shattered, then snatched up the pieces and hurled them into the darkness with an enraged scream.

“Kriffing scughole!” you snarled, your voice hoarse.

Bacara couldn’t quite suppress a huff of quiet amusement at your thoroughness in destroying the commlink, and you whirled at the sound.

“The kark are you?” you demanded.

“What, are you some tragic character from an old romance holoflick?” he asked. “No need to take it out on me because you got dumped.”

“What, are you some fuckin’ prick who likes to make people even more miserable than they already are?” you snapped back. 

“No need to get your tits in a twist,” he said. “You can’t put on a show like that and expect me not to break out the Mantell mix. Just bein’ honest. You’d do the same.”

“No, I wouldn’t,” you spat. “I would never twist the vibroblade in a total stranger and justify it by calling it ‘honesty.’ That's not honesty, it's just sadism.”

“Don’t be an idiot,” he said, ignoring your growl of fury. “A sadist gets off on inflicting pain on other people.” 

“Are you going to pretend you aren’t enjoying being a raging asshole to me?” you demanded.

“I might be enjoying it a little,” he admitted. “But that's not sadism.”

“Yes it is, you absolute—cabbage! That is exactly what sadism is.”

“I’d say ‘voyeur’ is more accurate in this case,” he remarked conversationally. 

You arched a brow at him. “Are you saying you’re getting off on this?”

He blinked. “Wait, ‘cabbage’?”

“Not a denial,” you observed, your eyes flickering down his body. “Interesting.”

Dank farrik, he hadn’t been turned on before, but under your assessing glance, he felt his body respond. He shifted, turning to give you a better view. He wasn’t stupid; he’d heard the natties gossipping about the fit of the black body gloves the clones wore under their armor, and he was fully aware of just how little they concealed the anatomy.

“You like what you see?” he asked.

“I don’t see anything,” you said flippantly. “But there’s a microscope back in my lab.”

He stifled a laugh. “That was uncalled for.”

“Oh, now who’s a whiny little bitch with your tits in a twist? Are you gonna cry?”

He burst out laughing. “You know, I’m starting to like you.”

“Don’t tell me you’re a masochist, too,” you quipped, but your voice lost its hostile edge. “I kinda like you, too. It's fun to bitch you out. Nice to meet somebody who can serve it back to me instead of crying in the locker room.”

“That’s… suspiciously specific.”

You shrugged, not bothering to deny that you spoke from personal experience.

“What’s your name?” he asked.

“I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours,” you replied.

He tilted his head in acknowledgment, but didn’t respond. Your reticence didn’t matter. He recognized you now. You were one of the base’s medics; you looked different in civvies than in your usual drab medical uniform, but it was unquestionably you. He outranked you by so many degrees that it was laughable. There was no way you recognized him; otherwise you never would have dared address him so disrespectfully.

It was kind of sexy, actually.

You reached into your pocket and pulled out a packet of deathsticks. “Want a smoke?”

He looked down at the packet, which was extremely contraband and unquestionably his responsibility to confiscate and destroy.

“Yeah,” he said. You passed him the pack and lighter. “Thanks.”

He lit a deathstick and handed them back to you, and you leaned against the durasteel wall next to him as you lit your own and pocketed the pack.

You inhaled deeply. “So who’d you piss off to get stuck on this rock?”

“Mouthed off to the general,” Bacara lied. “He didn’t like it.”

You laughed quietly. “I hear you.”

“You got a story along those lines, too?” he asked curiously.

“Something like that.” You exhaled a long stream of smoke as you closed your eyes and tilted your head back.

He watched you, taking a moment to appreciate the graceful curve of your neck and the blissful expression on your face. “You’re hot, you know that?”

Your eyes blinked open in surprise, and you turned to look at him under lowered lashes. “You’re no slouch yourself. Too bad about your personality.”

You smirked, and he realized he was staring at your mouth. He looked away and took a long drag of his deathstick. 

“So… what do you like to do for fun?” he asked somewhat awkwardly, wondering just how badly he was about to blow the whole conversation.

You didn’t reply immediately, and when he glanced to the side, he saw that he apparently wasn’t the only one with an oral fixation. He turned toward you and leaned in.

“I think you meant to give me an actual answer there,” he murmured.

You looked him dead in the eyes. “Clones.”

He paused. “... Excuse me?”

You shrugged, and somehow the movement brought you closer together. “You asked what I like to do for fun. The answer is clones.”

“What the kriff does that mean?” he asked, turning a little more toward you.

“Do I need to spell it out for you?”

“Yeah,” he said, glancing down at your mouth again. “You’re gonna have to spell it out for me.”

“It means,” you said, leaning closer, until he could feel the warmth of your breath on his lips, “I like…” Your gaze slowly traveled down his face. “to F. U. C. K. clones.”

Your tongue darted out to brush over his lips. Your touch was so light, and it happened so quickly, that he almost wouldn’t have believed it if his eyes hadn’t been riveted to that sexy, vicious mouth of yours. His breath stuttered.

“You, uh… do that often?” he asked. “With clones?”

You shrugged. “Everybody needs a hobby.”

“And yours is making love with random clone troopers on military assignment at the ass end of the galaxy?”

“‘Making love,’” you laughed. “You’re adorable.”

“What do you call it?” he asked.

“Fucking.”

“That’s a lot less poetic,” he observed.

“Truer, though.”

“Not as romantic,” he pointed out.

“Do I look like the romantic type?” you asked.

"Actually... yeah. Yeah, you kinda do. You're so damn pretty, and you got a look in your eyes like there's a whole world beneath the surface."

Your eyebrows snapped together as you met his eyes, and then you looked away. 

“Of course,” he continued, “you also look like you’ll kick anyone’s ass if they tell you that.”

You stared out into the darkness as you took another long drag of your deathstick. “Where exactly do you think this is headed?”

“I have no idea,” he confessed, stroking his fingers under your jaw to tilt your face back toward him. “But I want it to go somewhere. Hopefully not toward an ass-kicking.”

“How about against this wall?” you suggested. “I could use a distraction.”

“I can work with that,” he said.

“Good,” you replied. “For a minute there I thought you were gonna get all sappy.”

You weren’t entirely certain why you found yourself drawn to the nameless clone. Force knew a hookup had been the last thing on your mind as you’d rehashed the same argument you’d been having for the past decade. You inhaled the last dregs of your deathstick, trying to ignore the way those cruel words echoed in your mind.

“Too farking broken for anyone to love.” 

You dropped the butt of the deathstick into the dirt and ground it beneath your heel though you could extinguish the hurt along with the embers.

As if he wasn’t the one who broke you. 

The clone was still smoking, and when you glanced at him, the glow of the deathstick illuminated hard, cold eyes that watched you without blinking. From his GAR standard haircut to his lack of tattoos, you would have thought he was a shiny, if it weren’t for those deadly eyes.

Well, the eyes, and the body, if you were honest. Despite your earlier taunt, you couldn’t deny that he looked good. Damn good. All the clone troopers were in peak physical condition, but this one—this one was a kriffing specimen. He was thick and broad, with muscles honed from years of combat, and you would eat your military-issued boots if he didn’t also have specialized training. You’d patched up—and done other things with—enough troopers since the war started to be able to spot the difference between the regular clones and the commandos, and there was no doubt in your mind which group your mystery clone belonged to.

His gaze didn’t falter as you inspected his body. He didn’t preen like a narcissist, nor did he shy away. He simply watched you, watching him. The air seemed to thicken between you. You reached out and rested your fingers on his chest, then traced down over the hard expanse of his abdomen. When you reached his waistband, you slipped your fingertips beneath the fabric and stroked them over his smooth, warm skin.

“Straight to business, then?” he asked.

“What, do you need a dozen roses?” you asked.

He laughed quietly. “Might be nice.”

You slid your hand further beneath the fabric, flattening your palm against his hip.

“The, uh, ‘kriffing scughole,’” he said. “That your boyfriend?”

“Hardly,” you replied. “It’s my father.”

His expression didn’t alter, but his eyes flickered down your body and back up to your face. “What’s his problem?”

“Every decision I’ve ever made,” you said evasively. “Plus he hates clones.”

Slowly, very slowly, he took the deathstick out of his mouth and extinguished it against the durasteel wall of the base, then flicked the butt out into the darkness. He raised his hand to cup your jaw in his palm, his fingers pressing lightly against the side of your neck as his thumb brushed over your lips. Then he slid his hand to the back of your head, threading his fingers through your hair as he tugged it gently, tipping your head and exposing your throat.

His mouth descended onto your skin, and he dragged his tongue languidly from your collarbone up to your ear. You shuddered quietly, your body instantly reacting to the sensation.

“Fuck that salty old bastard,” he whispered. “You want me to make you forget him?”

“Yeah…” you breathed.

The heat of his breath ghosted over your skin as he closed his lips on the shell of your ear and then turned his attention back to your neck. He worked you over slowly, taking his time to explore your skin and find all the spots that made you shiver and moan. He tested your reactions methodically, using his lips, tongue, and teeth to find the most effective tactics to take you apart.

You launched a reconnaissance mission of your own, exploring his body, sweeping your hands over his arms and shoulders, wrapping your arms around his waist, pressing against him luxuriously. In return, his hands roamed over your body, pulling you tight against him, stroking your back and sides, fondling and squeezing your tits, and finally stealing beneath your clothes to caress your bare skin. 

As he cupped your pussy in his large, warm hand, he let out a grunt that sounded almost pained as he discovered the extent of your arousal. He abandoned his post at your neck and dropped to his knees, gripping the waistband of your trousers and yanking you toward him. He jerked down your pants without bothering to unzip them, as though he couldn’t spare even that much time before plunging his tongue into your wetness.

He groaned as he tasted you, gripping your ass and pressing your body against his face as he thrust his tongue frantically into your cunt. Your trousers prevented him from spreading your thighs enough to give him the access he so obviously wanted, so he impatiently pushed them down to your ankles and lifted your thigh onto his shoulder. He dived into you, his eyes drifting closed as he devoured you.

His strong hand slid up the inside of your thigh, and his fingers stroked your pussy, but before they entered you, he gave one final, mind-blowingly pleasurable suck to your clit, then withdrew slightly, staring up your body into your eyes to make sure you were watching. You felt two of his fingers slide over your entrance and spread you open, then he leaned in and spat into your cunt.

You felt it splatter against your clit, and you nearly came on the spot. You barely had time to gasp before his fingers swirled over the saliva, circling your clit and spreading the slick fluid over your pussy before plunging into you. He pleasured you roughly, stretching you out with his fingers as he sucked and licked your clit, and before long, your legs began to quiver uncontrollably.

Hearing your stifled and increasingly desperate moans, he pulled away and looked up at you again.

“Gonna come?” he asked.

“Uh,” you panted. “Yeah.”

“Good.”

He leaned forward, but you stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. He glanced up at you questioningly. 

“Can—” You licked your lips, utterly mortified to make the request. “Can you spit on me again?”

His eyes never lost that cold, emotionless expression, but his mouth twisted into a smirk. “Filthy.”

You weren’t proud of the hoarse moan you let out when he called you that, but to his credit, he showed no sign of judging you for it—though he definitely noticed. He never stopped working you with his hand, and now he pressed his thumb on your clit even as he continued to thrust his fingers into you with devastating precision. You trembled on the edge of an orgasm as he leaned close to your cunt and locked eyes with you. He spat, and you came so hard your vision blacked out. Your leg buckled, and he caught you just in time to prevent you from toppling to the ground.

He stood quickly. You clung to his shoulders for support as he pulled the bottoms of his body glove down just far enough to free his cock.

“Yeah?” he asked.

You nodded, too blissed out to speak as you basked in the aftershocks of one of the most intense orgasms of your life.

“Say it,” he ordered.

“Yes,” you gasped.

He ran his hand down your thigh and hooked it behind your knee, and the instant your leg wrapped around his waist, he thrust into you. You were well prepped, but it was still a massive, abrupt stretch, and you cried out. He clamped his hand over your mouth.

“Surveillance,” he explained curtly.

You nodded your understanding, but he didn’t move his hand—and a good thing, too, because he set a merciless pace, fucking you hard, fast, and deep.

“Too bad you called in a tactical strike on your commlink,” he murmured, sinking his teeth into your neck. “Otherwise you could send your old man a holovid of his precious little girl getting destroyed by one of those clones he hates.”

You let out a sound that was something between a groan and a sob, and he moved his palm off your mouth so you could respond. 

“I—like—you,” you panted, the words punching out with every brutal thrust of his cock. “You’re—fuck!—devious.”

His teeth flashed in the moonlight. He hooked his arm under the leg you had wrapped around his waist and shoved it abruptly against your shoulder, bracing his hand against the wall as he pounded into you so hard it almost knocked the air out of your lungs. He covered your mouth again to muffle your scream, but after the initial hoarse cry, he moved his hand down to your neck and traced his thumb over your throat. His lips crashed into yours, his tongue sweeping into your mouth as he kissed you deeply, and you tasted your own arousal on him. It occurred to you that this obscene coupling was, in fact, the first time he’d kissed you on the mouth.

Who says romance is dead?

A deep, quiet growl rumbled from his chest as he kissed you with a ferocity that was almost unsettling. He didn’t let up, didn’t give you a chance to catch your breath as he chased his own pleasure. You were under no illusions that any of this meant anything: after all, you were using him just as much as he was using you. And it was kriffing hot.

The durasteel of the wall was hard and unyielding behind you, and the force of his thrusts only intensified as he ravaged your mouth. It hurt just enough to feel good—amazing, actually—and before long, you started to feel your body winding in on itself again. 

Abruptly, he pulled out of you and thrust hard against your hip. You let out a low howl of rage and frustration into his mouth as you felt the heat of his cum spurt across your pelvis and belly. He groaned, but didn’t pull away from your mouth as he slumped heavily against you, dropping his hand to your cunt and sliding his fingers deep into you again. He knew exactly what he was looking for. The instant he found it, he zeroed in on it, not wasting any time with pleasantries. His finger moved in tiny, rapid motions with the perfect amount of pressure, and within seconds, he wrenched another orgasm forcefully from your body, stifling your cries of pleasure with his tongue.

You twitched away from him slightly as your body began to pass from pleasure into overstimulation, and he slowly withdrew his fingers from you. Dragging them lightly across your hip and belly, he traced them through his cum before wiping it firmly off your skin.

“Sorry about your shirt,” he murmured.

“Are you fuckin’ kidding me?” you demanded irritably.

“No,” he replied, deadpan. “I really am sorry.”

“That’s not what I—” You cut yourself off, then sighed, “Kriff you, buddy.”

“Already did,” he smirked. “Hope it’s not dry clean.”

“I’m more concerned about getting back to my quarters covered in your jizz.”

“Nobody’s awake,” he shrugged. “Besides, it’s not that bad.”

“It isn’t?” you asked, glancing down.

“Nah, I lied. Anyone you meet is gonna know.”

You stared at him for a moment, and then you started to laugh. You dropped your forehead to his shoulder as you giggled helplessly. He leaned his face against your head, and you felt the telltale huff of his breath as he joined you silently. Eventually, your giggles faded away, and you sighed.

“Thanks for pulling out. I have an implant, but still. I’m a medic. I should have been more careful.”

He shrugged. “No offense, but I don’t want my kids to have your shitty dad for a grandfather.”

“Holy kark, can you even imagine?” you said with a short laugh. “He’d have a coronary if I let a clone knock me up.”

He exhaled quietly through his nose as he pressed his lips into your hair. “If you ever want to put the old fuck in the ground and get away with it, comm me, and we can do this again with even less protection.”

“I don’t even know who you are,” you pointed out. “How am I supposed to comm you?”

“Solid point.” He didn’t volunteer his name, and you didn’t ask. 

The cool night air gradually became uncomfortably chilly on your bare legs, and you suddenly began to feel awkward as hell. 

“I should get back to my quarters,” you mumbled.

You pulled away and tried to figure out exactly how he’d managed to turn your pants inside-out without ever fully removing them. He watched with those cold, expressionless eyes as you dressed. It was almost disconcerting, except every so often you’d catch him looking at your body, or your mouth, and you knew he wasn’t as impassive as he appeared. Once you had pulled yourself together, he walked with you to the side door and keyed in his security code. The door hissed open, and as you passed through it, his fingers closed around your wrist, the pressure warm and surprisingly comforting. You turned to him, your question unspoken.

He released your wrist and stared expressionlessly into your eyes for a moment, then said, “He’s wrong about you.”

You didn’t reply, just stared back at him. After a brief silence, he released your wrist and stepped away. The door slid closed with him on the opposite side, and you turned to make your way to your quarters, suddenly feeling a little less alone.

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[odiesbun]

...♡Their kid asks where babies come from♡... | Hyung-Line + Sunoo

!Warning! All memebers in this part are mentioned in the future tense, so you two will be much older than you are now!

There may be errors in the text, as my native language is not English. Thank you for your likes!

genre: fluff.

warning: children, sex references, awkwardness, awkward questions.

w.c: 1.4k

a.n: i did it! BUT I want to post something else, so my requests are reopened.

♡Heeseung♡

•The person who doesn't hesitate to explain ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING to children, even if that's not what the children wanted to hear at all...

•You were not ashamed of sex in your family and you were able to explain it to your teenage children (without a colorful description, of course), but one day Heeseung decided that it was time for your children to learn about the real world. And that's why he gave a talk on sex education.

- „So, you guys, both of you should always take precautions. Whether it's condoms or birth control pills.“ - You slowly walk into the house, listening. Heeseung is sitting on the couch, and your oldest son and youngest daughter are sitting on the floor next to him.

- „Yeah, I see. Decided to give our kids a lesson?“ - You smirk as you take off your shoes and make your way into the living room. Heeseung greets you with a soft smile, and the children rush toward you. You wouldn't tell by the look of them, however, that they're happy to hear such words from their father.

- „Well, I thought it was about time they knew that. I knew a lot of things when I was their age.“ - He shrugs, coming closer to you and kissing your cheek, and then he rubs the kids' hair, ruffling it slightly.

- „Well, you didn't have to tell them what condoms and birth control pills were... I thought you were just going to explain how babies are made.“ - You hum, then sigh.

- „Yes, but if I didn't explain all the points to them, they would keep asking more weird questions!“ - Heeseung exclaimed, furrowing his brow and ready to defend his point to the end, making you giggle.

♡Jay♡

•Says the first thing that comes to his mind. Or says what his mom and dad told him when he was little.

•He knew your four-year-old son would ask this question sooner or later, but he didn't expect it to happen so soon. So when it happens, for the first few seconds, Jay doesn't know how to properly respond to it.

Jay blinks in surprise, smiling awkwardly. He looks at you, asking you to help him, to which you just smirk and raise your eyebrows, looking at him expectantly.

- „Well, how can I put this...“ - Jay's breath caught in his lungs, a faint blush covering his cheeks. - „Kids are found in cabbage at the store. Yes.“

- „In the cabbage?“ - Your son raises his eyebrows in surprise, his mouth open. You and Jay look over at each other, continuing to smile.

- „Um, yeah. Well, son, when Mom and Dad love each other very, very much, they open a special store with cabbage that babies are born in...“ - You giggle awkwardly. Your son giggles and, finally getting an answer, contentedly walks out of the room.

You and Jay exhale blissfully, wiping the sweat from your forehead. As soon as you realize the awkwardness of the situation, you blush, giggling.

- „That's a miss...“ - Jay leans on the armrest of the sofa, licking his lips.

- „You're resourceful, you got away with it.“ - You giggled, nudging Jay lightly in the side with your elbow.

- „It was the first thing that popped into my head. Besides, my parents told me the same thing when I was younger.“ - He mutters, blushing and looking away before gently kissing your cheek and lips, thanking you for helping him get out of his situation.

Your son obviously won't calm down after this question, for his interest will increase even more, but Jay has proven to be too thoughtful a daddy, so he'll make up his own mini story about how your happiness came to be.

♡Jake♡

•He's actually trying to present his explanation to the kids intelligently, but it turns out to be as absurd a situation as possible, which will make not only him blush, but you as well.

•Since your twins were very restless and curious, they were always asking this kind of question of you. But this time Jake was alone with your children while all three of them were waiting for you to come home from work.

You'd only gone to work for the first day after a long vacation, so you were a little late, and that's why your husband entertained your kids as much as he could...

Well, almost could.

As soon as your foot steps on the doorstep of your house, two weirdos swoop down on you, bellowing and muttering incoherently. You look up at your husband in surprise as he smiles guiltily.

- „Daddy said that babies are brought by the stork, which means that we are unwanted and adopted children!“ - They exclaim in one voice. Your eyes visibly widen in size, you open your mouth in surprise.

- „Wha...? They're four years old, Sim Jake, how do they know about the concept of an unwanted and adopted child?“ - After your question, Jake guiltily scratches his neck, looking away innocently.

- „Well... They heard it from a woman on the street this morning, so I had to explain it to them, too. And then they just suddenly asked where babies come from.“ - He shrugged, continuing. - „But as soon as I told them that the babies are brought by the stork, they started bawling... And it's been going on for half an hour!“

You giggle, beckoning Jake over to you and smiling before hugging the twins.

- „Oh, no. Of course we've always wanted you and always will. The stork who brought you said you would be the best.“ - You smile, gently stroking the children's hair. Jake exhales tiredly, realizing that now he won't be the only one puffing away in front of the children.

♡Sunghoon♡

•He'll almost tell the kid everything about sex if you don't intervene in this situation.

•He gets very nervous when your daughter asks him that question. So he obviously can't do it without your help, otherwise your child will get sex education a lot sooner than you two would like and it will all be Sunghoon's fault.

Hoon awkwardly opens his mouth, his eyes visibly widening in size. He sits his daughter on his knee, starting to speak in an old-fashioned way.

- „Well, it's a little early for you to know this, but... When people reach a certain point in a relationship, they retreat to be-...“ - You suddenly appear at the doorway, leaning against the doorjamb and looking questioningly at your husband and daughter.

- „What are you two talking about?“ - You snicker as you watch Hoon's face change in an instant and gently nudge your daughter in the back, forcing her to come to you.

- „Oh, honey, it's nothing. Daughter, actually, that's a question you should be asking your mother.“ - Sunghoon folds his hands in a pleading gesture and presses his lips together, asking you to help him just by looking at you. You giggle as you pick up your daughter in your arms and bring her back to Sunghoon, clearly intending to show her how to raise her child properly.

- „When your daddy and I got married, we really started to dream about you...“ You giggle, touching the tip of your daughter's nose with the pad of your finger and continuing. - „And that's why God sent us you.“

Your daughter opens her eyes in surprise, looking now at Hoon, now at you.

- „But Daddy said...“ - She begins, stammering.

- „Daddy was just kidding, honey.“ - You smile, and then you turn to Park with a malevolent smile and whisper with one lip. - „I'm saving your hide for the last time, hubby.“

- „And I love you, wife!“ - Sunghoon replies, bursting into laughter and going back to torturing you and your daughter with hugs.

♡Sunoo♡

•Can't explain himself, so child development books and Internet pages come to the rescue.

•Since your child was already a high schooler, you knew he was one hundred percent likely to overhear something strange from his classmates, but surprisingly, that didn't happen.

When your child, on one of those typical days, came home from school, ate and sat down for lessons with Sunoo(because Sunoo always does lessons with your son), your son paused for a few seconds before turning to his father with a strange expression on his face.

- „Dad, how did I show up?“ - The son asks the question. Sunoo's eyes visibly widen in size, but he holds his nose proudly in front of his son, making a proud appearance. The son continues to ask questions.

- „How do babies come into being?“

- „You came out of mom's tummy when we got married and...“ - Sunoo looks up at the bookcase. A book that you bought not too long ago about parenting comes into his eye. Included in that book were sections on how to explain to a child how babies come into being.

- „Oh! That's what you and I are going to read now!“ - Exclaims Sunoo, grabbing the book and starting to flip through the pages at a nervous pace.

Dad and son spend the whole evening reading the book, speculating about many things. But really, the child only asked questions, and Sunoo, at first, was uncomfortable answering them, but then he realized that the son couldn't tell if it was true or not, so your husband began to feel much more confident.

- „Mom! Dad told me how babies come!“ - As soon as you show up in your son's sight, he runs toward you with a happy squeal. You smile awkwardly, raising your eyebrows.

- „And how? What did your daddy say to you?“ - Your gaze slowly slides to Sunoo, who awkwardly remains seated in the same spot with his book open.

- „After the wedding, when the uncle and aunt love each other very much, they have a certain process after which they have children.“ - Explains the son, awkwardly going over his fingers. Your cheeks flush slightly with embarrassment, and you look up at Sunoo, who gains even more confidence.

- „Yup... We also chat as he comes out of Mommy's tummy.“ - Sunoo smirks. But his confidence immediately fades and he looks up at you, also blushing. - „So our son now wants a little brother. Or a little sister.“

[sadhornydemons]

Wrong Answers Only (Extreme Sinsmas Offensive Edition)

What will result from this?

Millie discovers that she's positive for Hell's version of Covid, but not wanting to miss the party, she tearfully exposes everyone to it.

Blitz steals the newborn from the hospital, tells Stolas he found it on the sidewalk outside Taco Bell, names it Spirit and then steals the baby shower gifts he gave to M&M.

Paying homage to John Waters' Polyester, Millie declares "I'm having an abortion and I can't wait!"

Loona kicks the baby carriage into the sky like in the Pilot.

Ever see the horror movie, Dumplings? Yeah, that..*

Millie confesses she had an affair with Stolas's butler, Pringles, who fathered the child.

Stolas steals the newborn from the hospital, tells Blitz he found it in a cabbage patch (which Blitz believes) and names it Renesmee.

Millie takes Moxxie aside, informs him that she tested his pee and that he is in fact pregnant.

They sell the child to Paimon for $5 and a slim-fit condom, which Millie uses to buy a kick-ass new knife.

Please add your own!

(* don't look up if squeamish)

[mayorspatula]

aye its boiled condom

WHERE ARE YOU GUYS COMING FROM

BC DOES!!! NOT!!!!!! STAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FOR BOILED CONDOM!!!!! NOR DOES IT STAND FOR BOILED CABBAGE NOR DOES IT STAND FOR BOILED CRAYON NOR BOILED CONTRACEPTIVE NOR BALDBOYHALO CORPORATION NOR BARBECUE CHALK NOR BOYKISSER CORP NOR BALLS CREAMERY NOR BORAX CONSUMER NOR BILINGUAL CACTUS NOR BISEXUAL CAMEL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'M GOING TO GET YOU

[baekhvuns]

“that fat cabbage looking bitch named amy schumer & that condom leak that produced flopschnapp too”

KIRA. THE SCREAM GASP I GUSPED AT THIS???? GET THEM FOR ME!

[southeastasiadiary]

Day Twenty-Four, Part Two: A Day in Chiang Rai

A model in the Opium Museum illustrates the military operation undertaken by the Thai government to destroy the centers where opium was made in neighboring Laos.

Indeed, the proximity of Laos is integral to the next place we visited: the Golden Triangle, a corner of Thailand from which Myanmar and Laos are separated from the country only by rivers.

It would be a more than four-hour drive back to Chiang Mai, so we split it up, stopping first at another temple known as Wat Chedi Luang (“The Very Old Monastery"). There, in addition to a majestic Stupa,

we saw a large gong with a wonderful, low, resonant sound. You strike it three times for good luck.

The next stop on the road back to town was … well, you’d better read the name for yourself:

That peculiar title is due to the fact that it is a non-profit restaurant (the “Cabbages” part) that was begun by a wealthy doctor as a way of combatting HIV by also distributing free condoms.

We returned so late that the car couldn’t drop me at the hotel. The Sunday night market had begun, and the streets were closed to traffic. As I was walking to the hotel, I came across another wat that serves as a meditation instruction center.

I made a brief detour into it and found a group of people already in meditation, using the vipassana tradition. Since, however, the lotus position was required for participants, I quickly realized that my own inflexibility would have left me unsuitable as a student there.

By this time, I was very hungry, so it was time to brave the night market in search of food.

[futuresquidward]

*at aldis* me: are we gonna raw dog this cabbage or get a produce condom

[candy-floss-crazy]

Cabbages and condoms, as restaurants go, this one not only has an unusual name, it had an unusual beginning. Originally a small vegetable stall in Bangkok on some office premises of the PDA, a community development association concerned with family planning. The outfit used to sell vegetables, lace panties, t-shirts, condoms and oral contraceptives! Somehow I doubt we will ever see a similar portfolio in Burger King or McDonalds. The chairman of the PDA Mechai Viravaidya called the shop cabbages and condoms. The catchy sobriquet it seemed tended to amuse passers by, and drew people into the shop. In the seventies, a small restaurant was added serving Thai dishes. The cuisine gained a following due to its quality, and eventually it developed into a full restaurant. Expansion Abroad The chain now has restaurants in Japan and England. More precisely Bicester in Oxfordshire, though I don't think the decor etc is quite the same, being more of a vanilla style Thai eatery. We offer a range of noodles and such like, though sadly without the condoms, for that you need to stick with cabbages and condoms. Read the full article

[bgtopics]

I went to Cabbage and Condoms and now my butt and knees are sore

This topic was set at 2024-08-04 23:41:30

[mist-the-wannabe-linguist]

"In the case of a UFO landing, the Brno astronomical observatory recommends that people be properly prepared. "We recommend to host them with slivovitz, rye bread, lard, salt and onion," specified the head of the observatory Dušek, who also recommends to have an emergency luggage in case the encounter goes south.

"The bag should contain clean underwear, red wine, chocolate, a cat, a cassette with American country music, a towel, a roll of toilet paper, cabbage soup and last but not least a lube and a condom," he says, adding that these things were selected based on a wide survey among visitors of the observatory."

Všichni mlčte! Experti promlouvají a radí, jak zažít nejlepší noc vašeho života 🙏🙏🙏

[vikhyatr]

Coastal Cuisine: Indulging in Thailand's Beachside Restaurants

Introduction

Thailand, renowned for its rich cultural tapestry, pristine landscapes, and vibrant city life, also boasts a culinary scene that's as diverse and captivating as its picturesque beaches. From the bustling streets of Bangkok to the serene coastal towns, Thailand offers an array of dining experiences that tantalize the taste buds and provide a culinary journey unlike any other. Amidst the backdrop of Thailand's beaches, where azure waters lap against golden sands, one discovers a treasure trove of restaurants that not only serve delectable dishes but also embody the essence of Thai hospitality and charm. Whether you're craving traditional Thai street food, international fusion cuisine, or fresh seafood straight from the Andaman Sea, the restaurants in Thailand scattered across coastline offer a gastronomic adventure that perfectly complements the beauty of its beaches. Join us as we delve into the enchanting world of restaurants amidst Thailand's vibrant beaches, where every meal is a celebration of flavors, culture, and the idyllic coastal ambiance.

1. Traditional Thai Restaurants

Description: Traditional Thai restaurants epitomize the essence of Thai cuisine, offering authentic flavors, aromatic spices, and time-honored recipes passed down through generations.

Features: These restaurants typically feature cozy interiors adorned with Thai décor elements, friendly staff dressed in traditional attire, and a menu brimming with classic dishes like Pad Thai, Tom Yum Goong, and Green Curry.

Notable Examples: Somboon Seafood, Cabbages & Condoms, and Thip Samai Pad Thai in Bangkok.

2. Street Food Stalls

Description: Street food stalls are ubiquitous throughout Thailand, serving up an array of delectable snacks, appetizers, and quick meals.

Features: Visitors can experience the hustle and bustle of local markets and streets lined with vendors cooking up an assortment of dishes such as grilled skewers, spicy salads, noodle soups, and exotic fruits.

Notable Examples: Yaowarat Road in Bangkok's Chinatown, Chiang Mai Night Bazaar, and Phuket Weekend Market.

3. Fine Dining Establishments

Description: Thailand boasts a thriving fine dining scene, with upscale restaurants offering refined ambiance, impeccable service, and gourmet cuisine.

Features: Fine dining establishments in Thailand often showcase innovative culinary techniques, fusion cuisine, and carefully curated wine lists. These venues are perfect for special occasions, romantic dinners, or indulgent culinary experiences.

Notable Examples: Gaggan Anand's Gaggan, Nahm by David Thompson, and Le Normandie at Mandarin Oriental Bangkok.

4. Fusion and International Cuisine

Description: Fusion and international restaurants in Thailand offer a delightful fusion of flavors, blending Thai ingredients with global culinary influences.

Features: These restaurants cater to diverse tastes, with menus featuring a fusion of Thai, Western, Asian, and Mediterranean cuisines. Diners can enjoy dishes ranging from sushi and pasta to tapas and gourmet burgers.

Notable Examples: Issaya Siamese Club, Soul Food Mahanakorn, and Bo.lan in Bangkok.

5. Rooftop and Riverside Dining

Description: Rooftop and riverside dining experiences offer breathtaking views of Thailand's cityscapes, rivers, and iconic landmarks.

Features: These dining venues combine exquisite cuisine with stunning vistas, creating memorable dining experiences. Whether enjoying a romantic dinner under the stars or savoring cocktails with friends against a backdrop of city lights, rooftop and riverside restaurants offer unparalleled ambiance.

Notable Examples: Vertigo at Banyan Tree Bangkok, Sala Rattanakosin in Bangkok, and The Good View Restaurant in Chiang Mai.

6. Eco-Friendly and Sustainable Eateries

Description: With a growing emphasis on sustainability and eco-conscious dining, Thailand has seen a rise in eco-friendly eateries that prioritize locally sourced ingredients, minimal waste, and environmentally friendly practices.

Features: These establishments often feature organic gardens, eco-friendly architecture, and menus highlighting seasonal produce and ethically sourced ingredients. They aim to minimize their carbon footprint while offering delicious and nutritious meals.

Notable Examples: Patom Organic Living in Bangkok, The Kitchen Table at W Bangkok, and Farm to Table in Chiang Mai.

Conclusion

Thailand's restaurant scene is a reflection of its rich culinary heritage, innovation, and hospitality. Whether indulging in traditional Thai flavors, exploring international cuisines, or dining in luxurious settings with panoramic views, visitors are spoiled for choice. From humble street food stalls to Michelin-starred fine dining establishments, Thailand's diverse culinary landscape promises an unforgettable gastronomic journey for food enthusiasts around the globe. So, the next time you find yourself in the Land of Smiles, be sure to embark on a culinary adventure and discover the tantalizing flavors that await in its restaurants.

[elmasbayram]

Person: @zahryaofdawn Location: Where Zahrya is No Doubt Preaching the Horrors of Abstinence "You're so passionate." There's something almost wistful about it as she sips at her smoothie as she watches the fey take the hands of a lycan and tell them that condoms aren't the way. There'd been a significant amount of fey births the last year in comparison to previous years and that's because....Well because the chancellor had popped his own children out of the cabbage patch. "Are the rumors you're going to be holding classes on 'Fertilizing the Pumpkin Patch: Ensuring a Baby Batch' true?"

[lindsaywesker]

Good morning!  I hope you slept well and feel rested?  Currently sitting at my desk, in my study, attired only in my blue towelling robe, enjoying my first cuppa of the day. 

Welcome to Too Much Information Tuesday.

Lobsters taste with their feet.

Music helps keep your memories alive.

Intelligent men tend to be more faithful.

Ecstasy was patented in 1913 as a diet pill.

Cuddling before bed helps the brain to relax.

The average person swears 80-90 times a day.

Chubby girls in Japan are called 'marshmallows'.

A day in the life of a dinosaur was 23 hours long.

Some people will ignore you until they need you.

The left side of the face is slightly more expressive.

The phrase “I don’t give a f*ck” originated in the 1790s.

If you travel across Russia, you will cross seven time zones.

The poorest Americans are still richer than 80% of the world.

Casanova’s euphemism for condoms was ‘English riding coats’.

Sleep makes you more creative and makes your memories stronger.

Jackie Chan's mother was an opium smuggler and his father was a spy.

A study found that chocolate milk performs better than energy drinks.

Just because someone doesn’t react, it doesn’t mean they don’t notice.

Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.

Eating bananas is a natural aid to reduce the effects of stress and anxiety.

Nearly 60% of terrorists graduated school with degrees in engineering.

The Samaritans set up a helpline to help fans deal with the breakup of Take That.

There are more phone calls placed on Mother's Day than any other day of the year.

‘V’ is the only letter that can’t be used to make an acceptable two-letter word in Scrabble.

Your body is the weakest during 3.00 a.m. – 4 a.m.  This is the time most people die in their sleep.

According to research, siblings may be more influential shapers of who we become than parents.

In Europe, countries led by queens have been more likely to go to war than countries led by kings.

Muphry’s Law is when you make a spelling or grammar mistake while trying to correct someone else's.

Research shows that some people may delay their deaths if it means their family pays less inheritance tax.

The unhappiest people in this world tend to be the people who care the most about what everyone else thinks.

Don't marry/get in a serious relationship with someone unless you'd be proud to have a child exactly like them.

Psychology says, friendship is not about who you spend the most time with, it’s about who you have the best time with.

Studies have shown that the average person believes he or she will live a longer and healthier life than the average person.

There's a cafe located in France which charges €7 a coffee to rude customers and €1.40 to people who talk politely to staff.

Studies have found that one of the most crucial factors in a relationship is how you celebrate your partner's good news.

In 1850, a cult gave 600 acres in Pennsylvania to God.  It was later repossessed by the state because God did not pay his taxes.

According to a study, people don't listen to the smartest person in the room, they listen to whoever acts as if they know what's right.

Your height is generally determined by your father.  Intelligence, emotional strength and body shape are determined by the mother.

Broccoli, cabbage, and Brussel sprouts all contain a little bit of cyanide.  Eating them primes your liver to deal better with other poisons.

According to psychologists, exposure to nature allows us to remember and value important things like relationships, sharing and community.

There is a horse that is born black but turns white as it ages. The Lipizzan can be found in European countries such as Austria, Croatia, Hungary, and Slovenia.

Death rates drop during economic downturns.  People drive less and get into fewer accidents, leading to cleaner air.  People also have less money to spend on cigarettes and alcohol.

According to a recent Russian law, it’s only ‘champagne’ if it is produced in Russia.  Otherwise, and even if it comes from the Champagne region of France, it’s just ‘sparkling wine’.

In 1871, lawyer Clement Vallandigham was defending a client accused of murder.  In demonstrating how the victim might have accidentally shot himself, he accidentally shot himself.  He died.  His client was acquitted.

Before calling his 1929 novel ‘A Farewell to Arms’, Ernest Hemingway considered such alternatives as ‘Carnal Education’, ‘Death Once Dead’ and ‘I Have Committed Fornication But That Was in Another Country And Besides The Wench Is Dead’.

After Harry Secombe sang at Peter Sellers’s funeral in 1980, Spike Milligan said, “I hope you die before me because I don't want you singing at my funeral.”  Secombe died in 2001, but a recording of his singing was played at Milligan’s memorial in 2002.

Okay, that’s enough information for one day.  Have a tremendous and tumultuous Tuesday!  I love you all.

[worldrandom]

national holiday week

2-12-23

autism sunday, darwin day, Georgia day, hug day, international day against the use of child soldiers, man day, mothers day norway, naacp day, national freedom to marry day, national lost penny day, national plum pudding day, red hand day, union day, world marriage day, national slute to verteran patients 

2-13-23

black love day, desperation day, dream your sweet day, employee legal awareness day, get a different name day, international condom day, international eplepsy day, kiss day, national apology day, national cheddar day, national poop day, national wingman day, self love 

2-14-23

frederick dougless day, gold heart day, international book giving day, library lovers day, madly in love with me day, v-day, national donor day, national ferris wheel day, national have a heart day, organ donor day, read to your child day, national condom week

2-15-23

annoy squidward day, international childhood cancer day, love reset day, national black girl magic day, national flag of canada day, national gumdrop day, national wisconsin day, single awareness day, total defense day, world hippo day

2-16-23

archbishop janani lawum day, fat thursday, feast of saint vartan, innvoation day, national almond day, packi day

2-17-23

analog to digital tv day, brazil carnival, champion crab races day, my way day, national cabbage day, national care givers day, no one eat alone day, random acts of kindness day

2-18-23

great back yard bird count, national battery day, national crab stuffed flounder day, national drink wine day, pluto day, real bred week